MARRIAGE

Marriage (āvāha-vihāha) is the formal and legal joining of a man and a woman. It is a secular institution, an arrangement between two people or two families and thus Buddhism does not insist upon monogamy, polygamy, polyandry or any other form of marriage. There were several forms of marriage in ancient India, the most common being those arranged by the parents' or guardians', those where the couple chose each other with the parents approval, and elopement. The ancient law books called this second form Svayaṃvara and the third Gāndharva. According to the Buddha, monks and nuns should not get involved in ‘the giving or taking in marriage’ and thus they have never been marriage celebrants (D.I,11).

Traditionally, Buddhists practised the form of marriage which prevailed in the society in which they lived. Although the Buddha did not advocate any particular form of marriage, we can assume that he favoured monogamy. His father Suddhodana had two wives and as a prince he could have had several wives also, but he chose to have only one. In a discourse on marriage the Buddha only discusses monogamy, again implying that he accepted this as the best form of marriage (A.IV,91). Having been both a husband and a father, the Buddha was able to speak of marriage and parenthood from personal experience. A husband, he said, should honour and respect his wife, never disparage her, be faithful to her, give her authority and provide for her financially. A wife should do her work properly, manage the servants, be faithful to her husband, protect the family income and be skilled and diligent (D.III,190). The Buddha said that if a husband and wife love each other deeply and have similar kamma they may be able to renew their relationship in the next life (A.II,161). He also said that adultery (aticariyā) is against the third Precept and that 'to cherish one's children and spouse is the greatest blessing' (puttadārassa saṅgaho etaṃ maṅgalam uttamaṃ, Sn.262).

It seems that throughout history most ordinary Buddhists have been monogamous, although kings were sometimes polygamous and polyandry was common in Tibet until just recently. In the highlands of Sri Lanka during the medieval period polyandry was practised. Today monogamy is the only legally accepted form of marriage in all Buddhist countries. There is no specific Buddhist wedding ceremony; different countries have their own customs which monks do not perform or participate in. However, just before or after the marriage the bride and groom often go to a monastery to receive a blessing from a monk. See Divorce and Yasodharā.